Let me just warn you in advance. This post is about to be me doing a whole lot of venting, so if you are not ready, come back tomorrow for a different post.
You’ve met my heart right? My two sons Ethan and Aiden? Well these two little boys are a true depiction of the wonders of natural hair. Both born of the same mother and father, in the same city and state yet they have different hair texture, feel and curl patterns. I haven’t gone in depth on topics of natural hair history but I have touched on the effects of society’s beauty standards and how brainwashed we have been to accept European beauty standards as a measure of our own.
I am a very proud African, to a fault at times. I am quick to defend my people, correct misconceptions, and spit facts of Black/African excellence at any and every given opportunity. Conversations like the one I had recently, remind me of how far we still need to go when it comes to re-washing our brains to get rid of all the programming that was done throughout history.
“Your little one has good hair because you married an America.” How can a grown woman fix her mouth to vomit such nonsense?! Without ever meeting my husband who has very “African hair” yet American (might i add), she has concluded that my children have good hair because their father is American.
It took everything in me to not rip her to shreds verbally of course. However, the more she spoke the more I understood her reasoning and the more I worried. Just how long will my people consider one head of hair better than the other?! Since my husband is an African American we can assume that there might have been some mixed blood. As we all know, slaves were often times raped by slave-masters. So yes, appearances may be changed as we travel up and down the family lineage. So from her viewpoint, the whiteness my husband might have inherited from the past of his ancestors (assuming there was mixing of blood) is what gives my children ‘good hair’.
My issue with what she said is that, there is no way my kids could have ‘good’ hair from my side of the family because we are African! How can one indirectly speak so negatively about oneself? Was she listening to her own words? So using her logic or lack there of she was saying Ethan my older one, got his ‘bad’ hair because I am african?
Allow me to get really petty. My ‘african’ hair is actually of a looser curl pattern than my ‘american’ husband’s hair so….explain that.
My point is, all hair is good hair. I’m over this self hating speech. Love yourself and stop looking for reasons why having foreign blood upgrades your status in life. You are complete, just as you are.